Perfection....Behind the Veil

I’ve struggled previously with being perfect. I’ve learned that perfection for me is being good at who I am, not being good at who others think I should be. This mindset didn't come over tonight though. Listening to the Erica Campbell radio show Friday morning, her guest talked about his depression and how he battled it. She asked him how he got over it. This took me back to a time when I was suffering depression and I thought about how I got over it.

For me getting over depression was emptying out my soul. What I mean by that is this.... I cried from the pit of me. When I say from the pit of me, I mean I cried like I had never cried before. Everything that was inside of me – the good, bad, and ugly --- I cried and emptied out. At the time I had not recognized my salvation. I had not recognized that God as My Savior and I did not know Him intimately. But I knew there was a God. So I emptied out everything I had to Him. I held nothing back. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent, happy, sad, joyous, grief. Everything that made up Nakya left my body and I poured it out on Him. Does this work for everybody? According to the Word it should. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. This care though is not a normal care. It is love, uneqivocalble love…that is love with no boundaries.

This perfection or striving to be what others define as perfection can literally drive you crazy. Now I strive to be no more than who I am. I strive to be the best version of me. Does that mean that I am perfect and never have issues? Absolutely not. Does that mean I don't make mistakes? Absolutely not. It does mean that I strive daily to be good, kind, loving and worthy of being His. I look each day to improve me based on His definition of who I am. What I've found in these 40+ years is that I am ever changing. The 20 year old Nakya that battled depression would not have been able to accept the 30 year old Nakya as she was and that chick would have battled with the current Nakya. I am evolving as a person so my definition of who I am (outside of the basics) changes. I became a mother at 22. Saturday, my baby celebrated his 20th birthday. I've yet to get married but when I do (yes to those of you who know me it’s changed from if to when), there will be a new chapter and another part of my definition.